I sat by the hot tub this afternoon after a long and fast pace lunch rush, getting some time to myself. We had just got Wide Awake by E. R. McManus in the mail, and I had some music plugged in to my ears. With feet soaking in the warm water and a cool breeze blowing in my face, I cracked open the pages and read the dialogue between David and Elijah from Unbreakable. Elijah states that the sadness we feel could be from “not doing what we are supposed to be doing.” I love that movie, I have seen it twenty times throughout college and a few times since I being married, but it never really struck me in the way that it did today. I know that it has a lot to do with where I am at in my life. The funny thing? While I was reading this, “Dreaming Lucid” was playing in my ears. I think that is what has gone on in my previous life. Dreaming the dream of vivid colors, taste, sound and feeling but not truly being awake, not truly being awake.
After coming in from the hot tub, I found Switchfoot’s Live From San Diego DVD and popped it in while I was cleaning. If any of your remember the Beautiful Letdown album – it could have been their zenith, their most personal album as a band. Amazing musically and lyrically, it played loud and proud from any set of speakers I had. It was without a doubt the theme music and anthem for my generation at that time. But, when I put in on today it was almost like hearing it all for the first time, but it was deja vu. I had heard it before but from somewhere in the past maybe in a dream. I knew it to be true but now it had real meaning to me. Through the strange concoction of Franz Ferdinand, Erwin McManus and SwitchFoot mixed in with life experiences were all these things mixing into the succor that I needed.
These days I am waiting tables at a chain that is holding its own, but is not busting out of the seems like when I was in high school. I don’t have the normal problems of going to work minus the effort it takes for me to get up. I like what I am doing, but at the same time I know for a fact this is just step to my true dreams.
A few weeks ago I waited on a few nursing students who had come in after class to relax. I struck up conversation with them pretty easily given our common back ground. After a while one of the girls looked at me and said, “I like you, you look like your at peace with your self.” I have to say I think I am. I am looking forward to schooling, I am very excited about moving, and on pins and needles to find out what God is going to do in the lives of Elora and I and through us. I feel like we have woken up from our dreams, to see that there is more than just living, there is more than just dreaming. We can really wake up and take an active part in this world. It seems like a big thing, but with that I am at peace.