I found this Blog that I wrote a few years ago, but I feel as though it holds true for me today. I though I would share with you why I do the things I do, and why Elora and I moved to Austin.
As I have spent the last few years of my life trying to solve for sigma, I am forced to look back and realize that all the Big Dreams I made as a young student have for the most part all been accomplished. Some of you maybe saying, “that is great, you have done what you set out to do.” The problem lies in the fact that most of my dreams were concluded by the time I was twenty three, I am now on my way to twenty seven, and the thought that has plagued me has been, “What am I doing with my life?”
I have just spent a week with a group of the world’s most visionary and inspiring people of my generation, people who are not satisfied with the world as they know it. But, most importantly have opened themselves up fully to the dreams and hopes that God has in them. So this brings me to my conclusions; have I restricted God’s will and power in my life by inability to dream as Big as God? I am reminded of stories of Jesus where he was in his home town and was unable to preform miracles for the “lack of faith” of those he was trying to help. I have to ask myself am I one of these?
To understand my story a little better we have to go back a few weeks, we were coming to the dead line for the Lake Junaluska Youth in Missions trip and I was really just closed off to the idea of just jumping out and driving to North Carolina for a week. We didn’t have the money, I would have to take off more days of vacation and Elora would be missing several days of here final classes of her Masters Degree. All of these sounded very rational to me, and over the years I have forced myself to be rational. Maybe that is now my hinderance. A couple of months ago my parents asked me to be a Huddle leader for a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Camp that they were holding for the small community of Troy, Texas. I was ready and excited just to work with kids again outside of my home church. The only thing, I went not expecting God to talk to me that week. A fellow UMHB alum, Robert Copeland (yes, the other Robert Copeland) came to speak each night. The night that stood out to me, where God said, “look and listen, maybe you could learn something. You need to be moldable, ready for me to use you. Allow me to put my hands in your life.” This I was ready for, but when Robert pointed out to the adults that this could mean you have to be ready to drop every thing and move to a different town. That is when I knew God was saying, “pay attention, be ready.” I sat in that gym of my old high school in shame. What have I done with my life, what have I missed out on. I told God then that I would call Elora and tell her that we are going to Lake J, the rest of the details would have to be worked out by God.
That next day I walked in to my boss’s office to tell here that I would need a few extra days off for this trip with Elora. Without even asking questions she just offers to switch a week of my vacation time. She maded a phone call and that was that, the biggest surprise of my time working there.
The next night at the FCA camp was the family night and a preacher that had played for the NFL, came and spoke to the kids and parents that had shown up. What he said has still stuck out to me. This is the question he posed, “What kind of legacy are we leaving for our children, and our children’s children?” He spoke about how we send missionaries out all around the world to do God’s work and we think of this as something special. The rest of the world calls us to live a safe life, a life that never pushes the envelope, the “average Christian,” but aren’t we all called to go out into the world and share God’s love. If I look at the Bible right, Peter, Paul, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Zach Hunter, Sean Carasso, and Will Boyd are the spitting image of an average Christian. They live out their faith everyday, and I in my comfort, have been living a sub-par life. I am not saying that I have been doing nothing in my Christian life, but I know that I have not done enough and I have not stepped out in faith. I know that I have not dreamed as big as God wants me to. As unfulfilling as my job is, it affords me a comfortable life and I think I have been okay with that, and that has been what has been holding me back from being the “average Christian” that God has called me to be.
So here I sit wondering what it would take to “walk like giants,” if I can borrow a phrase from Will. Where do I start? As I said, early I think God wants me to be as moldable as a fresh block of clay willing to be adjusted and moved if need be. I don’t know why, but I am pretty sure Belton, Tx is not the last stop in my journey. I hope it is only the beginning. But, where do I begin, what is the road to travel? Where do I fit in? Jared had been wondering what to do since he graduated out of High School, but I have been out of high school for 8 years and college for 4 years. I think the key to this is the “moving part.” I don’t know what that means, I may have an idea where, but I wait.
I have always lack the gift of discernment and that has made me a skeptic. This week I spent time with people who have had heard tales, seen need, witnessed miracles. I know that the stories that they heard were not really spoken about in my small town school growing up, it was just lack of awareness, but maybe it is part of God’s plan to put these people in my life so that I can act on that.
I leave this open for your response, for those of you that have discernment in your lives and receive a word from God, (I guess that would be the gift of prophecy) I am working on being open for change. Just know that what ever happens, I am certain that Elora and I are in this together. What would it take for me to act as the Average Christian?