A Little Honesty on My Part.

Let me be honest for a moment, i think we all deserve it. We, Elora and i, are trying to live simply. Free from constraints, Free from traditionalism. Free from Religiousness. We feel as though we are called to work with the Orphans and Widows, those that are hurting and in need, those that have less than us. i have heard it said, “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:24. Throughout the Bible it was the poor and hurting that came to Jesus readily to answer his call, and the Rich that turned away disappointed. As we look at Haiti after the earthquake i saw pictures and heard stories about revival breaking out in what was left of the streets. People coming to Christ, even Witch Doctors being broken for Jesus. We are all aware that Haiti has nothing but her Love and Faith to give, and in the midst of the devastation both are freely flowing.

As some of you know we are preparing to Foster teens and hope to adopt a baby in the coming years. We have been taking training classes for the last few months through Arrow Ministries, and Austin Stone. The good news is that we have two more weeks of classes and CPR training before we are finished, bad news is that we need a bigger place to house children. (Apparently our one bedroom apartment is not enough) I am still looking for a job, preferably in my chosen field. An extra pay check would help cover what we need for the house and expectant Foster kids.

From my previous post Love to Kibera i share how my wife and i are going to Nirobi with a group of students from Reagan High School, as they help with a sports camp, talent show and tutoring. This trip is a big dream for us. When Elora was asked if we would like to go, she asked me what i thought. i just told her i would love to go but, it was going to cost a lot, God was going to have to provide for us. I figure that he has done so all this last year as i have been jobless, why not dream big. Why not try to “walk like giants.” I was raise to believe if he calls us he will make a way, but as my friend Bush says, “the need is the call.” Needless to say we are going, one way or another we are going.

There are a lot of big huge things coming up in our lives these next few months, things that i know will only happen by Gods doing. How many times can i remind my self that, only by God, only by God. Yet, for some reason i want to blame my self for not finding a job, or better yet trying to fall into security and get any job. I don’t want to cage my self into financial security. I don’t want to be that rich man. I want to rely on God. i think if i was him, yes i could help so many more, but could i look back and truly say it was God or Me that did that.

Here is the real honesty of the moment, I believe that we are going to Kibera, so much that we put out a lot of money for pass ports. Money that we didn’t account for or foresee spending earlier that month. Now we are in a fun spot for the rest of the month. We are a few dollars in the red this month. We didn’t have money for food this month. We only have two rolls of toilet paper left. We ran out of Allergy medicine which we both need to function most days. Luckily Gatsby still has enough food to last him 4 or 5 weeks.

To help with our situation, we finally did a purge of books and movies that we have been wanting to do for several weeks in preparation of moving again. This was a hard purge for us because we are both avid readers and book collectors, and my movie collection is pretty outstanding. But, we persisted. Four boxes of Books and one full of DVDs later we were off to Half Price Books. Not knowing what we would get back, since it was all going to food, we waited and hoped.

God came through again for us.

When we were called up, they offered us $74. We took it and headed to the grocery store for milk, eggs, and discounted chickens. We have 14 days till Elora gets paid, and we only have $25 to make it through. Let me state that again. WE only have $25 for the next two weeks, and two rolls of TP. I know we will make it. I know that we still have much more than others. Yet it is hard to look at this and fight off the inferiority i feel at being unable to providing for my family. It is hard to fight of the security that most americans seek. It’s that battle that i fight everyday, do i want to be secure or do i want to dream as Big as God does?

Our Pastor Matt Carter, asked us tonight, “what are the things that would draw you away from God?” In honesty i know one of them is Financial Security, i hear it calling my name all the time. I also fight with my failure to provide for my family, for some reason try to equate this with being the head of the family, the spiritual leader. i know that these are not the same thing. i know that if i buy into these two lies in the end i would say, “look what i did, see how i was a good husband.” Unfortunately there is not room for God in that statement.

So as we spend the next two weeks trying to find the cheapest most nutritious foods (rice and beans). As i keep looking for a job, planing for Foster/adoption and our trip to Kibera i look forward to see what God is going to do. The fact is, if any of this is going to happen, it is going to be because of Him. Maybe You want to help us with our trip, or preparing for Fostering and adopting? That would be amazing, just let me know. Your prayers are always welcomed.

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6 Responses to A Little Honesty on My Part.

  1. korakaos says:

    Ah, I have always wanted security myself. Instead, through one circumstance after another, I am always poor and in much the same boat as yourself. But always surviving. My lover says that, at least, is something to be proud of. Sometimes I wonder if there shouldn’t be more to life than just surviving and existence, even if I know that Being and surrendering to Being are what is “important” to God. And so I tend to feel negative about survival. But I continue to Be.

  2. Elora says:

    Sigh. I love you, Russ. Thank you for leading us. I can’t wait to see the adventure God has for us!

  3. “In honesty i know one of them is Financial Security, i hear it calling my name all the time. I also fight with my failure to provide for my family, for some reason try to equate this with being the head of the family, the spiritual leader. i know that these are not the same thing. i know that if i buy into these two lies in the end i would say, “look what i did, see how i was a good husband.” Unfortunately there is not room for God in that statement.”

    Totally with you on this one. Financial security and providing for my families are huge issues for me. You’re not alone in the journey. We’ll be praying for yall. May yall both find comfort and peace in the midst of what seems like a difficult time.

    • eloranicole says:

      “what seems like a difficult time” – so true, Jonathan. I was thinking about that this morning! We still have shelter, we still have food left in the pantry, we still have some cash left for the month. I still have a job. Russ has positive prospects for a position with a restaurant. There are many, many things I’m thankful for right now. Many.

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